If you’re friends with me chances are you already know that I received a FitBit for Christmas because I’ve undoubtedly pulled up my sleeve and waved it in your face like a maniac and said something like “this is going to be make me exercise sooo much more!” like the obnoxious girl that I am. So far things aren’t going as well as I had hoped in my relationship with FitBit. I figured we would still be in our honeymoon stage at this point, showing off our love to anyone who wanted to see, going for long walks together and having healthy meals that would then be recorded down to the last calorie on our app. Nope!

It started off pretty rough for us. In our first few moments seeing each other I recorded my weight and then pressed “kg” instead of “lb” so I stared down at my app which was telling me in bold letters that I was obese. Sure, I’ve packed on a few pounds over the months, but I’m being sent right past overweight and directly into the obese realm? At least let me eat some more chocolate if you’re going to call me fat. Let me earn it. After a few minutes of me weening annoyingly about how fat I was to my boyfriend, who promised me I was not obese but who also wouldn’t pause Mario Kart long enough to look me in the eye and say that to my face, I realized the mistake I made and then laughed it off. Silly FitBit, I’m average weight! I’m just an average person! And then I started feeling like maybe that means I’m not special, and I was sad that I wasn’t special. But I didn’t voice those concerns to Boyfriend because I didn’t want to get in the way of his Rainbow Road race. And because I was just being stupid.

So we got over that little rough patch and then I was excited to have FitBit in my life again. I looked through the app and found some cool things. You can record all of your meals, every glass of water you drink (and you get little badges that look like glasses of water), it records all of your steps and then tells you how many active minutes a day you have. Look out world, I thought! I’m going to win this FitBit game!

In the nature of being open and honest with you on my blog, I will now tell you the reality of my first week with my FitBit:

-There were only 2 “active minutes” episodes recorded on my FitBit. One was on New Year’s Eve when I was lazing around in bed and then realized the liquor store was probably closing early and I still hadn’t purchased wine for the night. So I got up, threw on my sweat pants, stumbled down the stairs and then sprinted to the nearest liquor store. I showed up, panting like a dog, and I assume I looked like I was about to die because the guy who worked there came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and asked me if I was going to be okay. “Oh yes, I’m fine now that I’m here,” I said while staring at a shelf full of white wine. I’m sure he thought I was an alcoholic. The other “incident” was when I was at Sears the day before New Year’s Eve to find a dress to wear the next night. I found this really pretty number and went into the dressing room to try it on. It was not only too tight, but the zipper got caught in my bra, and I was legitimately stuck in the dress. I spent about 10-15 minutes wiggling around frantically trying to escape. I can even go back through my FitBit and see the minutes in between that I spent not moving at all, sat hunched over on the dressing room floor trying to come up with a strategy to get out of the dress alive. And that was registered on my fitbit as some of my most active minutes of the day.

-I recorded every healthy meal I ate and decided not to tell FitBit any time I gorged on chocolate over the holidays. I figure what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. But it will hurt me, of course.

-I kept forgetting to tell the FitBit I was going to sleep, so I’ve missed a bunch of nights to record, which was my main reason for getting it. Now it thinks I only slept for about 20 hours in ten days.

-I took it off 4 days ago because it didn’t match my dress and it’s been sitting on my bathroom counter ever since. I actually went for a real life walk outside the other day and didn’t even have it on to record it.

Needless to say, this whole “new year new you” thing is off to a fantastic start for me! I’m lying to my FitBit about my calorie intake, I’m only active when I get stuck in dresses or when the fear of not having wine compels me to sprint through icy streets, and I keep forgetting to wear it. The only badge I’ve gotten so far is a pity badge for newcomers. I just charged it though, so maybe this week will be better! Maybe distance does make the heart grow fonder so those few days apart will make us want to spend even more time together now. But I think I’ll eat that small bag of Hershey Kisses before I put it back on my wrist. FitBit doesn’t have to know.

 

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