Okay the title isn’t exactly accurate, but if you’re a How I Met Your Mother fan you will get it.
I had my surgery on Wednesday and finally had the mass removed from my maxillary sinus cavity! Huzzah!
I was a bit nervous leading up to it because I didn’t love the thought of having someone rooting around in my head so close to my eye and brain bits, but I was also excited that I would finally feel some relief. This mass has been causing some serious problems for me over the last few years.
The morning of the surgery while I was getting ready to go to the hospital I realized one of the hardest decisions to make before surgery is what underwear to wear. You don’t often look through your underwear drawer for a pair of panties that say “these are totally my surgery day underwear!” I decided against wearing a pair from the American Eagle clearance bin that have the definition for the word “Stoked” written on them.
Boyfriend picked me up and we drove to the hospital with a handful of change for the meter and then made our way to the first floor where Day Surgery is located. We took a number on the door for registration and made ourselves comfortable in the waiting room. There was a very melodramatic episode of Young & the Restless playing on the waiting room tv, where Michael and his ginger wife were yelling at each other because Michael has prostate cancer, and I was really hoping no one else in the waiting room was there because of cancer because that just would have been awkward. I didn’t have to endure the soap opera for very long before they called my name to go in and fill out some paperwork. I had to promise the nurse that I was not wearing face makeup, which made me feel a little good about myself, and then she set me up to have a mask to open my airways before the procedure. While I was sitting in the chair receiving the mask a priest came in because he was called for a patient having a more serious surgery I guess. He was looking around for the patient, saw me in the chair with the mask hooked up to me, and approached me. “Are you looking for a chaplain?” he asked. I just laughed and shook my head no. There’s no saving me from eternal hellfire now, I figured.
About fifteen minutes later I was putting a hospital gown and little blue booties on and being wheeled away from Boyfriend and into the operating room. When I was on the operating table and getting hooked up to heart monitors and an IV, one nurse asked me what I was allergic to. “Tree nuts,” I replied. “Trinas?” asked the anesthesiologist. “How can you be allergic to girls named Trina?” “Oh, I had a bad experience with one once,” I replied. The nurses laughed and then I woke up about an hour later in recovery.
The surgery went well, the nurse by my side said. She pulled a giant tube out of my nose and gave me a mask to breathe with because I said I was having trouble breathing. Turns out it was just the weird feeling you get after having a breathing tube shoved down your throat. I don’t think I was in recovery for very long before I was wheeled back to the room I started out in and Boyfriend was called to come fetch me.
The surgeon came in to see me. He said the mass he extracted didn’t look cancerous at all, he can normally tell right away, but it was sent off for testing just to be sure. Great news! He also told me that my maxillary sinus cavity is in a really weird place close to my eye, so the mass can especially explain the migraines and visual disturbances. Then Boyfriend showed up and helped me get dressed while I tried really hard not to throw up. The nurse gave us instructions which I kept falling asleep throughout and then the nurse wheeled me out to Boyfriend’s car.
All I can really remember about getting in Boyfriend’s car was that I didn’t want him to start driving me home until he played our friend Jerry Stamp’s cd (listen and buy it here – you won’t regret it because even George Strombo thinks you should listen to Jerry) and I was very adamant about that. Boyfriend finally obliged and put the cd on and I settled in and concentrated on Jerry’s nice voice instead of my desire to vomit. Boyfriend then wanted me to go into Shopper’s Drug Mart to get my prescriptions but I kept my eyes closed the whole time and probably cried that I couldn’t go in public looking like a monster only to vomit on a stranger while in there. So I got to stay in the car and listen to Jerry sing some more.
And now I am home and recovering. Recovery is going very well! I haven’t been having horrible side effects from the surgery and I just ate ice cream for breakfast. I get to stay in bed and watch Supernatural while Boyfriend takes care of me. The worst part so far was probably the nasal rinse I had to start last night. It felt like the end of the world while I was doing it because the doctor told me not to bend my head forward or put anything in my nose and then I had to do both of those things in order to clean out my sinuses. But it worked and I’m still alive despite my initial overreaction that made me assume a nasal rinse would actually kill me.
I have to wear a “mustache” bandage under my nose for a few days in case of bleeding, so I figured I would go ahead and draw a mustache on it. And yes, I’m aware that it looks like I’m wearing a maxi pad on my face!
Also, WordPress just reminded me that today is Damsel in a Dress’ first anniversary! Very fitting that I can have a huge (positive) update about my health on the one year anniversary for my health blog! So I want to take this opportunity to thank all of my followers and readers for making this year such a fun, rewarding year for me online! You guys rock!
And stay tuned for some more chronic illness holiday survival tips!