Back in January I made a promise to all of you that I would work on my fitness and do what I could to improve my health. Then I closed my laptop and went back to watching Modern Family and finishing my family sized bag of Ketchup chips.

Okay, to be fair there was that one attempt at working out at a gym that was documented on here, but the only real thing accomplished that day was an increase in my fear of seeing naked ladies in public.

So you may have lost hope in me. You may have said “Lisa will never work on her fitness and accomplish that resolution. She’s just like everyone else who makes a resolution.” (Although I’m sure you never once said that because really, who gives a shit about me and my resolutions?)

Well to all those who doubted me, I laugh in your faces! Because I went back to the gym, and I went back to personal training and I’ve worked out twice already this week! HA!

I tried a one hour long group exercise class on Monday. Which means I got to flail around like a spastic chicken who doesn’t understand what a barbell is for 30 minutes in front of approximately 30 ripped women, and then I got to spend another 30 minutes standing around and staring at all the fat on my arms and evaluating my split ends situation in a mirror while all of those ripped women continued working out around me. I’m sorry but how do you expect me to work out in a room filled with floor to ceiling mirrors? I’m surprised I didn’t do a duck face pose the entire sixty minutes.

Then I got another personal training assessment. The trainer checked my blood pressure and resting heart rate. A normal human being should have an ideal resting heart rate of 55-70. Mine was 108. My trainer actually gasped and then told me he could not promise that I was actually still alive. Then my lung age was tested by blowing into a machine. My lung age was 66. Instead of signing up for personal training I was kind of tempted to cut out early and meet with a lawyer to work on my will. But in all honesty it really opened my eyes to how absolutely horrible I am at being healthy and having the body a 25 year old is supposed to have. I went back to that mirror and looked hard at my reflection. Once I stopped doing duck face and resisting the urge to take a “post workout selfie” I gave myself a pep talk. “You have to change,” I told myself. “You can’t die yet, not when Netflix is so close to bringing Jericho back.”

So I went back to that personal trainer and had my first real session with him. He told me to do some squats. I did some squats. Then he told me to do some squats the real way someone is supposed to do squats. I fell over. “Baby steps” he said and then proceeded to have me do reps of sitting on a chair and getting back up. Baby steps indeed.

Then he noticed a stain on my shirt and casually said “what’s that?”
“Oh, just chocolate,”I said. And then realized how stupid I looked wearing an Adidas work out shirt covered in chocolate.

He made me do some other exercises. I did them. Then he made me do them the right way. I fell over some more.

After an hour of falling over and grunting like Serena Williams I was free to leave. I changed out of my chocolate covered work out clothes and went to catch the bus home. On the way to the bus I walked past Laura Secord and bought some chocolate covered marshmallow Brooms that were on sale. 3 for $1! How could I pass that up? What a deal! I figured the marshmallow brooms were some sort of Olympic promo to celebrate the sport of curling. I brought them home and to reward myself for doing reps of sitting in a chair and getting back up I ate 3 chocolate brooms for $1. And then I realized why they were so cheap. They are witches brooms from Halloween and had gone stale.

So am I changing my life around the way I said I would while deciding my New Years Resolutions? You be the judge. Today I worked out for a whole hour at the speed of a dying turtle and then had stale marshmallows on a stick for supper.

I personally think that’s an improvement!  I’m practically Jillian Michaels now.

Okay maybe that is an exaggeration, but it’s all about baby steps, right?

13 Comments on Lisa Tries to Work On Her Fitness

  1. callmemssarahnotmssarah
    February 26, 2014 at 11:16 pm (4 years ago)

    What are ketchup chips? Sound delish! You’re whole post about bring fit & That’s all I want to eat!

    Reply
    • lisermarie2013
      February 26, 2014 at 11:17 pm (4 years ago)

      I FORGOT THAT KETCHUP CHIPS ARE A CANADIAN THING!

      I say that in Caps lock because I am very passionate about ketchup chips and it breaks my heart that other people across the globe cannot share in my passion. When I worked in the US for a couple months I brought ketchup chips across the border to share the joy and they were a big hit.

      I am sorry for your loss.

      Reply
  2. Cassy
    February 26, 2014 at 11:22 pm (4 years ago)

    Good luck on your journey! it’s hard for EVERYONE at first but once you get passed the first few weeks it really does get easier…I promise…I think? lol anyway good luck!

    Reply
    • lisermarie2013
      February 26, 2014 at 11:29 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you! I think I can do this! If I can put as much effort into working out as I put into eating chocolate then I will be ripped in no time.

      Reply
  3. nainasingh2014md
    February 26, 2014 at 11:27 pm (4 years ago)

    Good luck!! I’ll be following you! 🙂

    Reply
    • lisermarie2013
      February 26, 2014 at 11:28 pm (4 years ago)

      I choose to read that in a positive and supportive way and not a creepy stalker way! haha I kid. Thank you!

      Reply
  4. Jen and Tonic
    February 27, 2014 at 1:05 am (4 years ago)

    I haven’t been around much lately so excuse me if I’m late to the party, but your new header looks fantastic! I love it.

    I love group exercises. I was really nervous at first because I was sure I was going to be the worst one in there, but the truth is, there will be several people in the class who look at you and think you’re doing amazingly. Just keep at it, and pretty soon Jillian Michaels will look at YOU for inspiration.

    Reply
    • lisermarie2013
      February 27, 2014 at 1:10 am (4 years ago)

      Thank you! I made it following the sheer excitement of discussing the “pencil” tool on photoshop!

      I hope Jillian Michaels recognizes all of my hard work someday. I used to be obsessed with her Yoga Meltdown dvd. It is so hard and you sweat places you didn’t know you could sweat but it makes you feel bad ass when you’re finished. But these days just looking at the dvd case for it makes my hamstrings and glutes hurt.

      Reply
      • lisermarie2013
        February 27, 2014 at 1:13 am (4 years ago)

        Let’s try that again…”following the sheer excitement of DISCOVERING the pencil tool…”

        None of my friends would let me excitedly discuss photoshop with them.

        Reply
  5. jamespatrickcasey
    February 27, 2014 at 6:40 am (4 years ago)

    If marshmallows on sticks serve as motivation, you could just dangle one in front of you to make you go for a run. Alternatively, you could attach one to a workout machine, so every rep you bring it closer to you, so you’re more motivated to do lots of reps.

    I’m sure that’s how the pros train.

    Reply
  6. Ally Bean
    February 27, 2014 at 1:55 pm (4 years ago)

    “Today I worked out for a whole hour at the speed of a dying turtle and then had stale marshmallows on a stick for supper.”

    Best exercise and diet plan ever. Keep up the good work. I’m right there with you!

    Reply
  7. Cameron Von St James
    February 27, 2014 at 11:36 pm (4 years ago)

    Hi there! My name is Cameron and I was wondering if I could ask you a quick question about your blog. I can be reached at cvonstjames AT gmail DOT com – Thanks, I hope to hear from you soon! 🙂

    Reply
  8. bappleby
    March 1, 2014 at 5:15 am (4 years ago)

    Its always difficult to start exercising. But keep at it and eventually it will seem easy! Baby steps can be very helpful. I do Yoga in the morning, although it did take me a while to get into the habit. The yoga routine is a nice relaxing flow that helps stretch out all my muscles (I found it on Youtube). I wasn’t able to do all the poses at first, so I skipped the ones I wasn’t able to do until I got comfortable with the routine. Then I started doing the difficult poses but only holding for a few seconds. Every week I held the difficult poses longer than the week before. I still can’t hold them for the full amount of time as the video but I am able to hold them for a little bit. Eventually, I will be able to do all the poses for the full time and then I can move on to a faster routine.

    Taking baby steps keeps it from becoming an onerous task and let’s me enjoy the yoga routine. Now I look forward to it every morning! If you keep at the exercise, it won’t be long before you’re doing squats!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *