Yesterday I lost my voice.

I joked to Boyfriend that he would love it because I always talk so much. Boyfriend obviously didn’t like that it hurt for me to talk but I’m sure the thought of some silence while I was around instead of me saying aloud every stupid thing that ever crossed my mind was a welcoming thought for him. Unfortunately for Boyfriend I still tried to say every stupid thing that was on my mind, and Boyfriend ended up having to spend the whole day listening carefully to me and trying to make out the words I whispered.

We went to the mall and a movie last night and decided to get some food in the food court. We sat down to eat and Boyfriend was trying to enjoy his meal in the silence while I was intently watching everyone around me and explaining their actions to Boyfriend.

I would lean in to Boyfriend and whisper something like “the girl who works at that restaurant just said “want a ride on the Nicole train?” and then dry humped the air!!!” and Boyfriend would lean in and eventually make out what it is I was saying, roll his eyes and go back to his meal. Then I would lean in again and whisper “the girl who works at THAT restaurant was totally just picking her nose!” Boyfriend would try repeating a few sentences that sort of sounded like what I was saying and when I would nod that he got to the right one he would roll his eyes again and go back to eating.

“You’re going to get me into a fight at the mall,” he said when I wouldn’t stop talking about the people around me.
“I can’t help it. I lose one sense and the others are heightened!” I whispered at him.
“Not how it works…” he said back.
“Yes. I’m basically Spiderman!” I excitedly whispered.
“First of all, you’re a sad version of Daredevil at best. Second, speaking isn’t a sense. So you’re just wrong. Wrong.” Boyfriend thought that would shut me up and went back to eating his fries.
“Ummm….if not being able to see or hear are disabilities why isn’t not being able to talk?” I whisper-asked him.
“Because you don’t depend on the need to talk…” he replied.
“I do!” I whisper-retorted.
“Now now,” Boyfriend reassured me, “you would still have your blog.”
“But then we wouldn’t be able to have funny spoken interactions anymore,” I sad-whispered.
“I know. It would just be me saying funny things…which is what it is now anyway.” Boyfriend said and then tried to continue eating again.
“I’m funny too…” I disappointed-whispered at him.
“No,” he whispered back.

Later that night at the movies we met up with some friends. They discovered that I couldn’t speak and one of them turned to Boyfriend and said “this must be nice for you!” to which Boyfriend responded “yeah except she still talks a lot and now I have to try to figure out everything she is trying to say to me.”

There’s just no shutting me up.

6 Comments on I Lost My Voice But I’m Still Just as Annoying

  1. jamespatrickcasey
    February 4, 2014 at 1:46 pm (6 years ago)

    I’m quite impressed with how you turned being unable to say daft things into saying even dafter things. Mind if I steal this idea next time I lose my voice?

    • lisermarie2013
      February 4, 2014 at 5:26 pm (6 years ago)

      It’s also really fun to play charades in public. Especially when the person you are with can never guess what you are trying to say. Strangers will look at you weird.

      • jamespatrickcasey
        February 4, 2014 at 9:54 pm (6 years ago)

        You should encourage the strangers to participate – you could totally turn charades into a kind of street performance.

  2. Michelle
    February 5, 2014 at 4:13 pm (6 years ago)

    This is hilarious!

    I didn’t lose my voice, but that didn’t stop me from doing the same thing when we were out for dinner last night. Apparently, last night was ‘overly dramatic male’ night at BW3s. It was amusing.

  3. Chantel (Sarcastic Overlord)
    February 5, 2014 at 6:14 pm (6 years ago)

    My Mom went through something very similar for a time where she couldn’t speak. It dragged on, so I made her funny pictures and put them in a binder and when she wanted to curse at my Dad she’d flip open her binder and point at a picture. There was of course “kiss my ass” with a donkey butt, and “fuck off” with a big middle finger display. She carried the binder everywhere and though she had difficulty speaking (different than your situation) it didn’t stop her from laughing her butt off.

  4. The Hook
    February 8, 2014 at 10:05 pm (6 years ago)

    There’s no shutting you up?
    Thank God!


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